These past four years have really been an amazing time for me. I have made so many memories with these incredible human beings and I have to say I wouldn’t trade a single thing. I am in awe of the immense talent and artistry that my class has provided over the last four years. Battling the hardships and embracing the beauty, we have all remained strong, focused, and capable.
When I reflect on the time that I’ve been here, I realized just how much my mental state has evolved over the course of 4 years. Needless to say again, I wouldn’t trade a single thing. When I first started at Juilliard, I was eager for change. I wanted nothing more than to escape from my life in Florida and discover a new path with people I could be challenged by. I’m not only referring to dance, but in my life as well. I needed positive energy, a glimpse at a new light, and a reason for pushing forward. I have made friends here that I know I will keep for the rest of my life and that feels good. These people have affected me in more ways than I knew possible and they will stay with me forever.
Now, as much as all of us are looking forward to graduation, there is still an immense amount of work to do before putting on the caps and gowns. Senior production is among us. It is the moment that we have been organizing, fundraising, and producing since senior year began. I am so thrilled to be part of this incredible team as one of the 7 choreographers in this production. It has been challenging in so many ways. With the highs and lows that are enough to intensify any amount of anxiety to its fullest degree (speaking for myself). I went into this project with a thought in mind and a goal in sight. I didn’t realize until we began the process again in March, how much pressure I was actually putting on myself to fulfill this concept. When the depth of this concept even crosses my mind I get a sharp pain in my chest and my thoughts begin to slow down. It is because I have been working with the stages of grief as a guide for the construction for my piece. The stages I am working with are shock, denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. What I am in the process of doing is creating subject matter for a concept that is very complex. People express these stages in small amounts, others huge, and some never actually face these stages until much later in their lifetime. It has been a goal for me to look back and reflect the moments in my life where these stages took place, or didn’t, and see what I could grasp in order to make this piece as clear as it can be. You can imagine my mental state at this point. I started out with a pulmonary score, so I could see what these stages “appeared like” in a literal sense. I am still in that stage currently and am looking forward to diving in deeper into actual situations that embody these complex stages. I did this because I wanted to challenge myself in a way that never had to before. I have been so blessed and honored with the amount of tools that I have been given here at Juilliard and now I want to put it all to the test. We have 1 week before opening night and there’s no holding back. I look forward to sharing my work with you at the premiere!